Love is not sex, Sex is not love.

I see many relationships putting too much attention on the possibility of sex being outside of the relationship and not enough on the inside of the relationship. People ask me that if sex is not kept special between me and my partner what do we have that is special? My response is that if all you have that is special in your relationship is sex, then you have a problem in your relationship. There is so much more to a healthy relationship. My partner can gently run his fingers across my skin in a way that makes me feel at peace. Another guy could do this same thing, but it would not feel the same and it would not have the same effect, not to mention that to me crosses the line. This is just an example. But to continue, my partner and I can see something as we drive down the road and we both can start laughing, yelling, or basically have the same reaction and we do not even need to mention what we are talking about because the other one just knows. We click on levels completely above the range of sex that sex is able to be more of an open minded time for exploration. My partner knows exactly how to make my coffee, I do not need to tell him. If my coffee ingredients are not in the correct containers this bugs me. I do not have to tell my partner this. Other people do not get these little details. This is love. This is more than just sex. These are the things that are special because they are untouchable. No one can be penetrate that special. Sex on the other hand is an area where change and experimentation should be encouraged, and what most people do not realize is that this is not a time in which people are supposed to let go of their insecurities with just one person, because most often people are not on the same level like they like to believe. One person might want to try a certain sexual engagement, something that excites them, while their partner does not have any interest, or worse has negative feelings toward it. Well yes there is compromise, do not make the other person do something they are not comfortable with, but at the same time it is not right to expect the person who has the interest to just ignore the interest or accept without frustration that they will either never get to try it, or are not allowed to do it. It is things like this that causes people to stray away sexually. It is normal for people to want to try things out, and when they are told they cannot do it ESPECIALLY when it is not illegal and many others are doing it, they feel even more so that they are missing out on something great, and resentment builds up. Its a bad circle. For me, my partner knows my limitations and my boundaries and visa versa. If I have a desire to try something new or something he is not interested in I am able to find someone with the same interest, just as he is, and neither of us have jealousy or judgment on it. We have our rules yes, but we believe whole heartedly that if sex was going to cause a problem in our relationship, it is because other parts of our relationship are not being kept healthy.

Puberty hits early

According to "Web Md" (2005-2013), "Boys are entering puberty at an average age of 10 among whites and Hispanics, and at an average age of 9 among African-Americans. About a third of boys start to mature sexually up to two years earlier than average." In addition the site explains that girls are starting puberty an average of a year early. Well this is just a mess! Boys are at an advantage in that they grow taller with muscle definition sooner making them more physically capable of keeping themselves physically safe. However, psychologically both boys and girls are not ready for this physical/sexual change that is going on with them. The sooner they start developing within puberty the harder it is for them to understand the physical and hormonal changes that happening. What’s worse? Let’s think about something parents do not want to think about… hebephiles (pedophiles whom are interested in adolescent children rather than prepubescent children.) For people whom have a paraphilia for people under the age of 18 (the American indication of adulthood), this makes a mess for parents. This brings about the risk of more hebephiles to direct their desires toward their children, because they have reached the pubescent change at a younger age. Now these poor children are at risk for being sexually targeted because of their body figure, but psychologically these children are still much too young to be sexually active. Yes parents still have to worry about the pedophiles not just hebephiles, but the reason hebephiles are a mess of a problem is because it is easier for these people to state that they are unaware that these children are not over the age of 18 because physically their bodies have changed sooner than they did a decade ago. To prove without a shadow of a doubt that these people do not actually know the children’s age is much harder to do in court. Do not let these young children’s body changes fool you, they are psychologically still very much young children. Web MD. (2005-2013). Retrieved from http://children.webmd.com/news/20121020/earlier-puberty-age-9-10-average-us-boy

A reason or two, why I can’t identify with the female gender group

A reason or two, why I can’t identify with the female gender group I have found myself to struggle in relationships with other females because of my lack of identification to the group. Most women complain that I do things that are wrong, such as not care if my partner is out with other girls at the bar flirting, (just an example). I say why not? What is the harm? They respond with catty beliefs that my partner will sleep with the other girls, or that it is disrespectful and unloving for him to spend time with other females. But my retort always ends up being: He’s not going to sleep with another girl, and so what if he did? He would use protection, and he would choose a classy girl who has high enough standards not to sleep around with strange, or married men; which just so happens to bring me back to the fact that he won’t be sleeping around. If he did, why is that supposed to affect me? It’s sex. Not love. I am still the one that is special in his heart. I am the one that is in a relationship with him, and sex with some other girl is not going to change that. In addition how is flirting with other girls at all disrespectful to me? It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with natural instinct. I would be delusional if I believed he is supposed to here on out only find me attractive and only desire me ever again. I would be delusional to think that not allowing him to be what he naturally is, is going to make our relationship stronger. No smothering him and denying him from who he is, is what pushes him away. When women attribute actions of men flirting or having intercourse with other women as a direct effect of disrespect to one’s partner, or a lack of love then we are using misattribution, because these actions have nothing to do with a lack of respect or love. I am going off on a bunny trail rant. Basically I have tried explaining my reasons for why I am different than other women, and explain why their issues are not the same as mine and how to better the lives or relationships between women, I come up short because it is an unaccepted belief. It is unaccepted by other women. I find it disappointing and exhausting to have to listen to the fact that men have to hide things from their wives and visa versa because they cannot be their true selves in fear that they each are some how committing sins. I do not have problems with my partner. He has the option to sleep around. Does he take it? No. How can I trust this? Because I trust and know him well. He has proven to be trust worthy, and I make a point not to take his actions too personal when their more baser instincts are the clear cause of something he does. It’s like telling a straight man it is wrong to be straight, or to tell a kid not to get excited. Its ludicrous, because it is telling a person they cannot do what comes naturally to them. It is some how a sin to be normal. Also for those of you who say “if you don’t keep sex just in the relationship then what do you have that is special?” if all you have in your relationship that is “Special” is sex, then you do not have a relationship. You have a big problem.